A Note on Zombies

My feelings on zombies are pretty much the same as my feelings on superheroes. Later, I'll probably explain why I want these same rules to apply to vampire, werewolves, and anything else that's supernatural.

Zombies, as they are traditionally conceived, are not scientifically possible. The dead cannot walk around and attack the living. When the heart is no longer beating and blood is no longer pumping, the muscles won't get the oxygen they need to produce the energy for movement. The brain won't have the energy to tell the muscles to move. Dead is dead. No plague or radiation source or anything else can change that.

Certain modern reinventions of zombies are reasonable. The guys from 28 Days Later for instance are not too far-fetched  They were essentially infected with a fast-acting version of rabies, which does cause its victims to attack others as a way of spreading the virus. These "zombies" are not dead, however, and can be stopped the same way any living creature can be stopped. Destroying the brain is not the only option.

Still, traditional zombies are fun and interesting, and I think they're fine story devices as long as their presence isn't explained with bad science. As with superpowers, I think you have three basic options for dealing with zombie origins without resorting to magic. 1) Don't explain it. One of my favorite moments in Shaun of the Dead is when a newscaster is about to announce the cause of the zombie outbreak and the main character gets bored and changes the channel. 2) Be vague. Say it was a virus or radiation, but don't try and explain how the science works. I'll assume in whatever parallel universe that allows dead people to move has a virus that can make it happen. 3) Invent new science. You're world; you're rules. I only care about the misuse of real world science. Though you should give some sort of nod to how your invented science is new.

Finally, since this is a science blog, I should clear up a misunderstanding about the science behind the original zombie legends. The tales from Africa and Haiti all invoke magic (Vodou) to explain the existence of zombies. However, some scientists have tried to explain the phenomenon as the result of drugs. Certain chemicals, such as tetrodotoxin from pufferfish, can paralyze victims and make them appear dead. But if the dose is just short of being lethal, they will regain the ability to move within a few days. Such a misunderstanding could indeed make it look like a person has returned from the dead, but this would not explain the behaviors attributed to zombies once they awaken. Also, it would be incredibly difficult to deliver the exact right dose. In truth, despite the popularity of zombies in the Vodou tradition, there are no reliable tales of zombies existing. So a scientific explanation is unnecessary.

Pufferfish: Probably not the source of your zombie outbreak. From Wikimedia Commons.